“Leave the memories alone, I don’t want to see the way it is, as to how it used to be. Leave the memories alone, don’t change a thing and I’ll just hold you here in my memory.”—Leave the Memories Alone by Fuel (favorite song)
Suicide. As you hear about it, you think that’s horrible, why does someone feel as though they need to do that. It’s a little different than just a little thought in your head when it’s someone you know. You know their personality, you’ve had conversations with that person. It’s complicated when you know them, not only did you lose them forever, but you were around when they were feeling helpless. Now, you’re the one who feels helpless, because you didn’t help, because you didn’t stop it. The truth is you can’t just stop their pain, as much as you wish you could, you never can.
Today I went to the wake of one my really good friends in middle school. I’ve never been to a wake of someone so young, never a wake where people were waiting in the freezing cold in a line that wrapped around the building. I hung out with him about every single weekend my seventh and eighth grade years. He wasn’t just a person I met a few times, but an actual friend. Although even if you only met him once, you’d always remember him. If you saw him at a party again, you would know his name. He had the most outgoing personality ever. He was real. He was honest. It’s a shame that he didn’t realize how amazing he truly was. The impact he’s made on people’s lives. Although, I do understand how it feels to be low. I guess that’s what makes it worse. There are so many horrible things about it, but if someone walked in a few minutes sooner, he’d still be here. His pulse was faint, but he died in the ambulance. So close. I can’t really comprehend my thoughts or figure out exactly how to write all of this, I’m not really sure what to say. I can say this, you’ve made an impact on so many people’s lives, I saw that tonight. I know You’ve definitely made an impact on my life. love you, miss you.